I am a 48 year old Christian, wife and mother of four. Two grown long ago and two adopted ,11 & 8. Also grandmother to two beautiful little girls!I was diagnosed Aug.11, 2011 with invasive ductal carcinoma with lymphnode involvement. I had a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy on Sept.13th. I have been advised by two oncologists to have adjuvant therapy to include chemo (4 cycles Taxotere & Cytoxan), 6 weeks of radiation and hormone therapy for 5 years. None of which I have committed to as of yet. So, I've learned the terminology and it's definitions. I've researched, seen the relapse stats, and had a second opinion. Where I am this moment is still in a state of processing what IS happening to me. I should be coming to terms with it by now, Never before in my life have I been in such a state of utter disbelief. I liken it to playing a role in a movie. I'm just speaking the lines and acting the part, but it isn't real. I am learning sadly, so very sadly that cancer is now forever a part of my life story.It will never wholly be gone. With ALL of my being I want to erase that! I recognize that I am grieving. Grieving chemo, grieving hair loss ( which is a horror for me to even imagine) and grieving that I am forever changed. My life will never be as it was two months ago. Truly there is SO much more I could be grieving. I have been spared my breasts!! I was diagnosed at an early stage and I don't do self exams and certainly not ever mammograms. Afterall, cancer isn't even in my vocabulary. Right? Certainly can't say that any longer. I've had a crash course in a brand new, gut wrenchingly awful language...cancer. I now speak cancer. Not anyone else I know speaks it. That leaves a sense of detachment from "them", those without cancer and an unexpected loneliness. Where I go from here I have yet to decide. I am awaiting Oncotype results which will determine my risk for recurrence. Praying for anything under a 30... no chemo!!!!! God bless you all who participated in the videos. You can't know how hearing someone "speak my language" ministered to my heart. Thank you.
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