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My recently diagnosed 40yr old sister-in-law doesn't want my help. We live 30 miles away and only see her a few times a year. Her church and neighbors are supportive. Any suggestions on how to be there for her?

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Asked by

anonymous

Learning About Breast Cancer about 8 years
 
  • Betsy Chapin Profile
    anonymes
    Survivant depuis 2010
    How to help? One thing about breast cancer is that it can be a long process between surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. I know when I was going through treatment, I didn't want help either and I didn't want people hovering over me because I was determined not to be a patient. However people comforted me in many ways. My sisters who lived out of town, checked in with me weekly by phone or email, they sent care packages during the weeks I had chemotherapy with books, warm fuzzy socks, and sometimes sent flowers. My friends were determined to cook for me, but I was dreading being bombarded with visitors when I felt miserable. So I placed a cooler outside my door and they all took turns delivering food for my family when I could not function. One place I looked forward to having visitors was the chemotherapy room because I needed to sit there for a few hours and I was usually feeling quite well on those days. Some friends and family also drove me to radiation as it was an hours drive away. And then there were cards and notes in the mail that to this day I still read as I look back on how people helped me when I never wanted help, but that is what got me through the most difficult time in my life. I am thankful that so many people found a way to care. My thoughts are with you and your sister- in-law and I know you will find your own way to help her. Take care!
    about 8 years Comment Flag
  • Jennifer Jackson Profile
    anonymes
    Étude du cancer du sein
    I agree with all of the above. Never underestimate the power of prayer. I recently experienced a very bad cancer scare, and felt comforted through the prayers of others.
    about 8 years Comment Flag
  • Lysa Allison Profile
    anonymes
    Étude du cancer du sein
    I agree with the person above. It also helped to know people were praying for me and I could feel the prayers. God bless you and your sister-in- law.
    about 8 years Comment Flag
  • Ali S Profile
    anonymes
    Survivant depuis 2011
    I also agree. As patients, we don't want to ask for help, bur definitely need it. Helpful things for me have been cards in the mail, carepackages, etc., meals when I was sick from chemo, visitors (who called first), sometimes someone to just listen to my fears without giving advice, jokes/funny things to read, gift certificates to massage at my hospital, someone paid ppl to clean my place too. I sometimes don't want to burden people by asking for help, so usually say I'm all set, but the truth is, I need more help now, I'm just very stubborn.
    about 8 years Comment Flag

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