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I'm new to the group. Diagnosed with L BC on 4/12/12. Will have bilateral on 7/17/12. I'm not sure how and what to feel. It's like me looking at someone else. Is that fair?

blanca ayala Profile
Asked by

anonymous

Learning About Breast Cancer over 7 years
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  • Marianne R. Profile
    anonymous
    Survivor since 2011
    So sorry you have to join our group BUT we are a very strong group of people. I am glad you found us please stay in touch. I finished active treatment a year ago. I just had a bi lat mastectomy a week ago. It has not been as bad as I expected. It is a crazy time either take a spouse, sister, friend, etc with you to every appointment to help you listen and ask questions. God bless you on your journey reach out whenever you need us.
    over 7 years Comment Flag
  • Thumb avatar default
    anonymous
    Survivor since 2012
    Hi Blanca, I had the same reaction. From the time the surgeon looked down at me as he bandaged my biopsy site and told me he was almost positive it was cancer, I felt like I woke up in someone elses' reality. I became a calm observer-it was almost a spiritual out of body exsperience. In some way I feel like it was a strange way of my mind trying to protect me or a gift from God to get me through the shock. After my surgery, things began to sort themselves out with my medical team and that weird feeling became a part of the history of my journey. This numb foreign feeling will pass as you work with your team to plan your way back to health. Take heart and know there are many women whose hearts go out to you tonight. Welcome to the beginning of your journey to wellness. :-D Jo
    over 7 years Flag
    • Thumb avatar default
      anonymous
      Learning About Breast Cancer

      What you said is wonderful. I loved reading it. Thanks

      over 7 years Flag
    • Sharon Danielson Profile
      anonymous
      Survivor since 2007

      Well said... I completely agree. take care, Sharon

      over 7 years Flag
  • Sharon Danielson Profile
    anonymous
    Survivor since 2007
    Blanca, I think this quasi-out of body experience might be a human way of coping with such a huge shock. Just as Jo says, as you go through this journey, you will sort things out. You will learn to accept the reality of the entire situation I think it is common for us to take a vacation.... mentally. We almost have to get used to the idea in little pieces. Before my diagnosis walking into Swedish Cancer Insistute for an appointment would have been like walking through the gates of hell. Now.... I am making up a grocery list, or arranging photo's of my ponies to show my oncologist. The human mind is incredibly adaptable with the power to take-you-somewhere-else when things get too tough. You will be ok, lots of us have had the same thing happen. Hang in there, take care, Sharon
    over 7 years Comment Flag
  • Erin Timlin Profile
    anonymous
    Survivor since 2011
    It's funny that you brought this up, and as I read the other responses I can totally relate. People have marveled at what they see as my "strength" ( which I think it is, partly), but I have felt a bit detached from the cancer from the beginning. I think if i really let it sink in it can be much harder emotionally, so I just muscle through and deal with everything that comes very cerebrally. I still think it's surreal and I am almost 9 mos post dx. My chemo and surgeries are long done and am almost finished with rads. I still sometimes look in the mirror at my hair growing back or my scars and I think, WTF? But then I get over it and move along. Too much life to live....if it helps you to detach then do that. The emotions may catch up to you (they have for me at times), but you'll be ok!
    over 7 years Flag
    • Thumb avatar default
      anonymous
      Learning About Breast Cancer

      Erin you've described exactly the way i feel. I read your words with amazement cuz it was almost as if i had written them. You r almost finished with, Im just beginning on friday(simulation appt). Tc n thanks

      over 7 years Flag
  • blanca ayala Profile
    anonymous
    Learning About Breast Cancer
    Thank you to you angels out there it's great to have you all out there. God bless us all.
    over 7 years Comment Flag
  • Evelyn Heilbrunn Profile
    anonymous
    Survivor since 2012
    Sorry I'm late chiming in. The diagnosis itself is a complete shock to your system, from head to toe. It comes out of left field and you're never ready for it. When they tell you you need a single or double mastectomy it's like getting hit again. Women's breasts have an "aura" about them, if you will. Many women have fed their babies, lured partners, or proudly shown them off. Now they want to remove them???? It's part of our identity and it does take a while to get used to the idea. Post-surgery, the first time you see yourself it may also be shocking. What used to be there isn't there anymore. You'll look so different. But just keep thinking, what about the alternative? If I didn't have the mastectomies I may have died. Reconstruction is amazing -- I've had it done 3 times! What plastic surgeons can do is wonderful. They can practically bring back your old breasts. They may not function the same, feel the same, or quite look the same, but you'll have breasts. You'll be able to fill out your clothes and your bathing suits, and even wear V-neck dresses and the like. They can make cleavage for you! I know this is a VERY difficult time. Acceptance of it all takes a while. As I said in another post, I have always looked at this like I'm on the top of a ski hill. You just have to point your skis downhill and go. Best of luck to you!
    over 7 years Comment Flag
  • Diane Washington Profile
    anonymous
    Survivor since 2012
    Focus on being a survivor and the fact that you will get through this many have been before you. And have the scars and a testimony to tell. We are strong women and what don't kill us will make us stronger. No one can tell you what to feel but I will say this do a day to day journal because I didn't want ever forget what I went through from day to day. Hang in there Blanca Ayala on 7/17 you will be in my prayers.
    over 7 years Comment Flag
  • kathy L Profile
    anonymous
    Learning About Breast Cancer
    I had a double mastectomy in August 2011. It was an awful time for me. In the beginning , I thought I would never stop crying. But with time, things do get easier. Exercising helped me a lot. Not to loose weight mind you but to clear my head! I am still in disbelief and don't believe that this has happened to me. But I am thankful and lucky to be here and appreciate my life. You will too. It is a tough road but it is a road that u can take. You are stronger than you would think.
    over 7 years Comment Flag

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